Never a Year Like '09 - JibJab

Maxine's Perfect Solution to Senior Health Care

Here is the solution:

While discussing the upcoming Universal Health Care Program with my
sister-in-law the other day, I think we have found the solution.

I am sure you have heard the ideas that if you're a senior you need to
suck it up and give up the idea that you need any health care.

A new hip?

Unheard of.

We simply can't afford to take care of you anymore.

You don't need any medications for your high blood pressure, diabetes,
heart problems, etc.

Let's take care of the young people.

After all, they will be ruling the world very soon.

So here is the solution.

When you turn 70, you get a gun and 3 bullets You are allowed to shoot
one senator and 2 representatives.

Of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a
day, a roof over your head and all the health care you need!

New teeth, great!

Need glasses, no problem!

New hip, knee, kidney, lung, heart? Well bring it on.

And who will be paying for all of this.

The same government that just told you that you are too old for health
care.

And, since you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income tax.

Tee-hee

Clarifying things.

 

An ingenious Oratorical and Political example happened recently in the United Nations, and it made the world-wide community present smile.

 

The representative of Israel before the United Nations:

-" Before beginning my speech I would like to say something about Moses:

When Moses struck the rock and water started flowing from it, he thought 'what a good opportunity to take a bath.' He took off his clothes, laid them next to the rock and entered the water. When he finished his bath and went to get dressed, his clothes were not there. The Palestinians had robbed them".

 

The representative of Palestine jumped, furious, and said:

-" What are you talking about! The Palestinians were not there then! ".

 

The representative of Israel smiled and said:

- " Very well… and now that we've cleared the issue of who arrived here first and who were the invaders,  I will begin my speech".

 

Florida court sets atheist holy day

In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and
Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination
case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days. The
argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized
days.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the
passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel
declaring,"Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your
honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have
Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and
Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your
client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance
or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm
14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it
is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no
God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is
adjourned.

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!

Letter to employees!!

Employees,

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.
However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.

First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life.

However, what you don't see is the back story.

I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the Goodwill store extracting any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the off ice at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations... You never realize the back story and the sacrifices I've made.

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my li fe for.

Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds.

Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accou nting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.

Here is what many of you don't understand ... to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic g rowth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.

< STRONG>So where am I going with all this?

It's quite simple.

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it , will be my citizenship.

If you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about....

Signed,
Your boss

Charlie Gibson Interviews Sarah Palin

EXCERPTS: Charlie Gibson Interviews Sarah Palin (September 11, 2008)

THE BOLDED & UNDERLINED PARTS WERE EDITED OUT OF THE INTERVIEW

http://marklevinshow.com/gibson-interview/

"How Come I Would Make the Economy Better" by Barry Obama

http://www.suitablyflip.com/suitably_flip/2008/09/how-come-i-woul.html

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