Tequila for Mi Amor

TEQUILA FOR MI AMOR...

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned.

The Genie says, "Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything you  want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."
Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want, so make me pee tequila."

The Genie grants him his wish.

When the Mexican gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. He looks at the glass and it's clear...looks like tequila. Then smells the liquid... smells like tequila. So he takes a taste, and it is the best tequila he has ever tasted.

The Mexican yells to his wife, "Consuelo, Consuelo, come quickly!"

She comes running down the hall, and the Mexican takes another glass out of the cupboard and fills it. He tells her to drink it. It is tequila.

Consuelo is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best tequila she has ever tasted. The two drank and partied all night.

The next night the Mexican comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to fill the two glasses. The result is the same. The tequila is excellent, and the couple drinks until the sun comes up.

Finally Friday night comes and the Mexican comes home from work and tells his wife, " Consuelo, grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink Tequila."

His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.

The Mexican begins to fill the glass; and when he fills it, his wife asks him, "But Pancho, why do we need only one glass?"

Pancho raises the glass and says, "BECAUSE TONIGHT, MI AMOR, YOU DRINK FROM THE BOTTLE."

ARRIBA!!!!!!!

Oh so funny and oh So true

WHY I LOVE MOM

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's
getting late. I think I'll go to bed"

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches.

Rinsed out the popcorn bowls,took meat out of the freezer for
supper the following evening,checked the cereal box levels, filled
the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started
the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes
into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button

She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back
on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.

She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel
to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by
the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for
the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the
envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both
near her purse.

Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night
solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushedand flossed her teeth
and filed her nails.

Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed."

"I'm on my way," she said.

She put some water into the dog's dishand put the cat outside, then
made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on.

She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps
and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper,
and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next
day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6
most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and
visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in
particular. "I'm going to bed."

And he did...without another thought.

Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why womenlive longer...?

CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL..... (and we can't die sooner,
we still have things to do!!!!)

Purina Diet

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena, the wonder dog , at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.  A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. 

 

Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it  works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

The Nun at Hooters

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was hopping with

music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would

go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only

a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the

back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud

round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me

just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

But, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

WHY WOMEN ARE SO CRABBY

Why Women Are Crabby 

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.  This is a Trip! It's real!                                     Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.     Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.                         Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.                         Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.               Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar.  Calm down and push.  Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.   After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.         Then come their "Teen Years."  Need I say more?                             When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.     So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.   Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...                     So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"?  Yeah right.  Bite me.                       Send this to seven bright women you know and make their day!!!  Or at least make them laugh a little. And send it to seven men you know that can take it

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