True Friendship -- None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound
good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series
of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no
cute little smiley faces on this card -- Just the stone cold truth of
our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge
against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I
would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag you about it every chance I get
until you're NOT.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well
again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you
up.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;
because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only
you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because
you can only think of 4.