True Friendship -- None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound
good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series
of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no
cute little smiley faces on this card -- Just the stone cold truth of
our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge
against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I
would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag you about it every chance I get
until you're NOT.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well
again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you
up.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;
because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only
you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because
you can only think of 4.

Where do little boys come from :)

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The
father answers: 'Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-
cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a
download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we
discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it
was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-
Up appeared that said:

You got Male!

Coma

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in
her room giving her a bed bath.

One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was
a slight response on the monitor when she touched her special spot.

They tried it again and sure enough there was sizable movement. They
went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As
crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and
bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close
the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his
wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no
heart rate. The nurses run back into the room.

"What happened!?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure; maybe she choked.